Updated at: 12-04-2022 - By: Jane Brody

You’re not alone if you’ve ever awoken from a dream wondering why there were so many hot sex scenes involving you as the main character.

It’s common to have sex-related fantasies. At the very least, we can say that we’ve all had them at one point or another. It’s quite acceptable to fantasize about having sex with someone other than your significant other.

Psychologists have always been fascinated with and studied dreams. When you dream, it’s up to you whether they’re calming or terrifying or perplexing. Your sleep can also be affected by them.

We dream for two hours on average each night, yet we rarely recall what we dream about. Although the majority of dreams occur during rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, they can occur at any point in the sleep cycle.

Adults often have dreams, although not everyone has sexual dreams. It’s impossible for scientists to investigate individual sexual dreams, but psychotherapists and other professionals have their own ideas about what these visions represent.

Why Do I Have Sex Dreams?

Dream content and meaning have received less attention than the neurophysiological components of dreams, which have been studied extensively. As a matter of fact, there are numerous theories about the importance of dreams in the human mind. Theorists believe that our brains may map and store memories in our brains through our dreams. According to other studies, people use dreams as a coping mechanism to deal with stressful or painful situations in their lives.

Sex dreams: why you have them and what they mean

Are Sex Dreams Normal?

It’s normal to have sex dreams. They’re also rather widespread. More than 70% of people have had a sex dream at some point in their lives. The substance of a dream, even if it’s disturbing, doesn’t necessarily suggest that there’s something wrong with the person’s life. Most people have dreams about people they know, so it’s perfectly normal to have dreams about people you see on a regular basis.

What dreams can tell us

Everyone wants to know what their dreams signify, especially if they leave them bewildered and wondering why a specific subject played out while they were sleeping.

The content of your dreams is typically linked to the events of your waking life. As a result, if your days are packed with anxiety and tension, you may find that you wake up with nightmares. However, if your life is going well and you are content, your dreams may take on a new meaning..

As a registered psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, Dr. Janet Brito is well-versed in the power of dreams to disclose what is hidden from your view. They act as a personal compass, offering commentary on your daily activities as well as symbolic imagery for you to ponder.

Symbols and images that appear in your dreams are a way for you to connect with your feelings, wishes, or a problem you’re attempting to solve, says Brito.

The meaning of sex dreams

There is no one-size-fits-all method for interpreting a person’s sex dreams. As tempting as it may be to think of your sex dream as a literal interpretation, Brito recommends focusing on the dream’s symbolic portrayal.

With the use of this technique, Brito advises dreamers to “break down their sexual fantasies into a story that includes three acts,” each with their own climax, in order to better understand what they’re experiencing. What your sex dream is attempting to tell you about yourself in the real world, she says.

That’s why you shouldn’t take anything you saw or did with your boss in your dream the other night too seriously. Even “taboo” sex fantasies are nothing to be concerned about. A little digging can reveal what your subconscious is saying about your current situation.

Again, it’s critical to emphasize that there is no one-size-fits-all method for interpreting sex dreams. Everyone scenario has a different connotation for each of us. There are, nevertheless, some recurring themes in sex dreams.

1. Sex with a stranger or acquaintance

What it may suggest:

A high level of libido may be to blame for your lack of satisfaction.

What to do about it:

Make sure you don’t get too hung up on this dream. Having an active (or hyperactive) libido may be the cause. A good place to start is by having an honest conversation about it with your partner. Communicate your thoughts and desires to them, but keep in mind that they may not share your sentiments.

2. Recurring sex dreams with an ex

What it may suggest:

There are many interpretations for these nightmares, depending on the frequency with which they occur and how long you’ve been apart from your ex.

What to do about it:

Allow yourself some time to acclimate to having sex with a new partner if you’ve recently broken up. The longer it’s been since your split and you’re still having sexual fantasies about your ex, the more likely it is that you have unresolved grief over the split or are unhappy in your present relationship and need to get professional help.

3. Sex dreams involving BDSM

What it may suggest:

Bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism (BDSM) are the four pillars of BDSM. Dr. Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills family and relationship psychologist, believes that this dream may indicate that you had an overbearing mother or father and that you are familiarly tantalized by the concept of being tied up and overwhelmed by a love object. The urge to exert control or the expectation that others take the initiative are two more possible interpretations.

What to do about it:

Sexual experiences are something we have on our own terms and in the privacy of our bodies, not in public,” explains Walfish.

To get the other partner interested in trying BDSM or toys, she recommends gently explaining what you’d like them to try. Make it evident that you’re happy with them as your partner, and offer to return the favor by attempting something new that your partner would love.

7 Common Sex Dreams and What They Mean, According to Experts

4. Oral sex

What it may suggest:

This dream may indicate that you were raised to believe that oral sex is nasty and unwelcome, yet you secretly crave it.

What to do about it:

Many people are afraid to give oral sex, yet some people enjoy receiving it, according to Walfish’s observations. You and your spouse should openly address the aversion and see if there’s anything that can be done to make it more comfortable. This is the best way to deal with the issue.

5. Sex with a student or teacher

What it may suggest:

If you had a lovely, narcissistic father, this dream could be a sign that he neglected you as a child. In their fantasies, they imagine that they are completely adored by an authoritative character.

What to do about it:

It’s important to spend some time figuring out who you want to be loved by if you’re having this dream because you crave the attention of an authority person.

If you’re still in dispute with this individual about it, she says, “you may be able to write it off, or you may opt to talk to a professional about working through your issues.” she adds.

6. Sex in the bathtub

What it may suggest:

The mere act of gazing at an inanimate object can be enough to arouse a person’s sexual desire.

The design of a bathtub spout, for example, may look like a man’s penis, while the sculpture of a nude body might be a tremendous sexual attraction. It’s common for people to imagine a sex scene with an inanimate object and then masturbate to that imagined scene later on.

What to do about it:

Nothing about this is repulsive, deviant, or out of character. Walfish advises going with the flow as long as it doesn’t do harm to you or anyone else.

7. Sex dreams involving dirty talk

What it may suggest:

Walfish speculates that this kind of dream could be a sign that a prim and proper person is longing to let go and be more at ease in their own skin. Self-doubt and a preoccupation with how others see them may be a part of their underlying desire to be free of these feelings

What to do about it:

It’s up to you whether or not you want to pursue dirty language with your partner in light of this dream, adds Walfish. However, she warns that if your spouse finds it disgusting or has a negative connotation linked to it, dirty banter might be harmful.

Because of this, open and honest communication is essential to understanding your partner’s preferences and dislikes.

8. Cheating on Your Partner

It is possible that if you have an infidelity-related dream in your waking life, you are experiencing feelings of jealousy or a lack of intimacy. With your partner, you may find it helpful to explore any potential issues that may arise.

9. Sex With an Authority Figure

If you have a sex dream about a person in authority over you, it may be a sign that you are looking for their approval.

10. With a teacher or boss

To put it another way, Loewenberg says, “you seek the attributes of a boss” if you dream of sleeping with a coworker, professor, or other authority figure. In order for you to have greater control over your life, you need more authority and the ability to make tougher judgments. Also, you may be trying to build a relationship with your supervisor in order to gain their respect.”

11. With a celebrity

We put a lot of pressure on celebrities to live up to our expectations. If you’re fantasizing about snoozing with one, chances are there’s something about them you crave. “Keep in mind that the key to success is building relationships. In the part they played, there’s certainly a characteristic you seek,” Loewenberg adds of a movie star.

12. In public

Having sex in public is a frequent fantasy for many people. Loewenberg points out that “the setting of a dream, no matter what’s going on in the environment, is crucial to pay attention to since it will typically mirror where you are in life or where you are in your heart and head”

Preoccupation with status or recognition, then, could be symbolized in a dream by public sex. The person you’re sleeping with may also be a source of admiration on your part.

13. In the bathroom

There may be “one area of your life where some cleansing and releasing is needed,” according to Loewenberg, if you’re fantasizing about having sex in the bathroom.

You and your partner could represent the subconscious message that you can rid yourself of negativity by adopting some of their characteristics in your daily life and conduct.

14. In the kitchen

For this reason, dreaming of having sex in the kitchen is a favorable indicator that “something is in the works,” according to Loewenberg.

Dreaming about sex? This is what it tells about your psychology | The Times of India

“A kitchen in a dream suggests that you’re cooking up something that will nourish your spirit, your mind, your emotions, and possibly your bank account.” In addition, she says, your dream partner is a signal to the quality or conduct you may adopt to move your project forward.

15. With a friend

Finally, if you have a dream involving sleeping with a buddy, Loewenberg explains, “it can sometimes be about connecting or coming together on some level psychologically or emotionally.” “Have you recently been in touch?” What revelations or similarities did you notice in your conversations with others, such as having the same point of view or having been through a similar experience? To some extent, your dream could be an expression of your current level of connection—or lack thereof—with the world.

How to get more in touch with your emotions

In order for your sex dreams to be a tool for helping you better understand your desires and feelings, they don’t need to be anchored in deep emotions or prior traumas. Dream interpretation can help you better understand your feelings and desires, even if your dreams are more lighthearted.

Start a journal

Keep a diary next to your bed and write down the details of your dreams to see if there are any trends or reoccurring sex dreams. Review your dreams after three to five entries and see if there are any themes. Talk to your partner about what you’re feeling, and see if they can help.

Brito tells us that one method to connect with our feelings is through dreams. Another method to connect with your feelings, according to Brito, is to spend time alone, turn off your electronic devices, and pay attention to your body.

Do a body scan

Brito also advises putting aside some time each day to write down your thoughts and feelings. You can set a “soul appointment” where you can connect with your heart essence, she says. “Give yourself permission to do so.”

A body scan should begin with five deep breaths and a time block of 20 to 60 minutes in your calendar. She also recommends turning off your phone and computer, making some tea, and putting these time slots in your diary.

“A body scan helps you to observe what is physically occurring in your body, locate where your sentiments dwell in your body, and then to learn to name your emotions,” explains Brito. “If your body could talk, what would it say to you?” she asks.

Dream Theories

As a result of research into whether or not dreams are linked to real-world concerns, dream theories are essential. According to them, people should be able to learn more about themselves and their lives by exploring the meanings of their own reoccurring dream themes.

Continuity Theory

Dreams are thought to represent a continuation of the way people think and act in the actual world. A similar principle applies to recurring themes and characters from a person’s daytime life.

People’s dreams are filled with the same kinds of things that they’ve seen before. Studies have shown that people’s reactions to events in dreams mirror their reactions to the same events in real life.

If the dreamer’s reaction is consistent with who they are in real life, then the dream’s circumstances are likewise consistent with this hypothesis.

Non-Continuity Theory

Things get a little wackier at this point. If your dreams begin to portray imaginary characters or timelines in your life begin to merge, then the non-continuity theory comes into play.

If a person had a dream in which they had sex with a person they would never have sex with in real life, such as their boss, it would be an illustration of this principle in action (like with a famous person).

It’s been hypothesized by some researchers that our brains use non-continuity to better organize our memories by fusing together old and fresh information.

Some people believe that having these kinds of dreams can help people draw critical connections between the patterns of behavior they repeatedly exhibit in real life.

For example, if you’re unhappy with how you react to something in real life and find yourself thinking about it frequently in your dreams, it may be a hint that you need to improve your response in the present.

Why These Theories Matter

Psychologists believe that each of these dream hypotheses have a significant impact on our mental well-being. They demonstrate the symbiotic and antagonistic relationships that exist between our subconscious and our waking selves.

To be clear, neither of these theories claims that your dreams are an accurate representation of your wishes. These feelings could actually be a sign of your stress or your brain’s desire to be creative.

Dreams and Stress

It’s not uncommon for dreams to get a little out there when you’re worried. In a research that monitored college students in the days preceding up to their final examinations, this was found to be true.

A prevalent reason of recurring and frequent dreams, according to the findings, is mental stress. Students were shown to be dreaming more in the days leading up to final examinations than in the days following. This clearly demonstrates that the way we dream is affected by stress.

Can you stop having sex dreams?

Of course, having sexual fantasies in one’s sleep is far from the most common phobia. Nevertheless, Loewenberg does provide some guidance for those who experience this problem on a regular basis or simply don’t want to continuing having nightmares about someone they don’t want to spend the night with.

A dream will annoy you and keep repeating its message until you pay attention and take action, she says, adding that “a dream will nag you and keep repeating its message” So, for example, if you keep having dreams about your boss, “Then take the message and run with it,” she adds. Get in the driver’s seat of your own destiny. The dream will come to an end as soon as you take the reins.”

Recall that “asking yourself what method do I need to connect with this person” can help you figure out the message. Consider what you admire or respect about Loewenberg’s observations. To begin embodying that characteristic or trait, you can start there.

How to DREAM about SEX ;) - YouTube

The bottom line

It’s common to have sex-related fantasies. In most cases, these dreams are the result of your subconscious processing the events of the previous days.

Dreams that disturb you and happen frequently may warrant a visit to a mental health specialist who may help you understand what is happening.

To discover more about your true self, though, you may want to take a deep breath and try exploring your sexual fantasies.

What do you think?

Rate this post